A Step-by-Step Guide to Grocery Shopping with Twins

1. Hunt down the only shopping cart in the store with two child seats.
2. Realize the aforementioned double-seated shopping cart is currently being used by a person with no children at all.
3. Wrestle your twins into a normal shopping cart, making sure to shoot dirty looks at the person mentioned in step #2.
4. Tell your children to sit down while you look in your purse for your shopping list.
5. Realize you left shopping list at home.
6. Smile and try not to roll your eyes at those six people that just told you that "you've really got your hands full, don't ya?"
7. Head towards the candy aisle because you're going to need a LOT of chocolate before this trip is over.
8. Return the slightly crushed and half-opened groceries your twins have swiped off of the shelves while you were busy looking at the chocolate.
9. Tell fascinated stranger, "Yes, they're twins."
        "Yes, they're identical."
        "Yes, I can tell them apart."
        "I just can."
        "No, I've never mixed them up."
        "Yes, I'm sure."
10. Repeat step # 9 about four seconds later.
11. Tell your children to sit down or they're not getting a treat.
12. Tell your children to sit down or they're going to be punished.
13. Tell your children you really mean it this time, sit down or you're going to regret it big time and stop pulling your brother's hair or we're leaving right this instant, I don't care if we have to leave all of the groceries here, I will do it, don't test me.
14. Ignore the crowd that has gathered to watch.
15. Take twice the recommended dose of Advil Extra Strength.
16. Just say, "No" when a wide-eyed stranger blocks your path and exclaims, "OH my Gaw-ish!!! Are they tuh-wee-unnnnnnnnsssss?!?!"
17. Tell your children to stop fighting NOW or you're going to become very angry and you do NOT want to see ANGRY MOMMY, DO YOU???
19. Grab both screaming children, pop one on each hip, and high-tail it out of there before someone calls DHS.
20. Tell your kids and yourself that we are NEVER doing this EVER. AGAIN.  I SWEAR TO YOU WE WILL NEVER ENTER A PUBLIC PLACE EVER AGAIN IN YOUR LIFE.
21.Toss your screeching kids in your car and realize that you left your purse in the shopping cart.
22. Lay on the street and beg for someone to please just put you out of your misery already.